I Am In Limbo, And It’s Okay

Here’s a confession: I am still unsure of what I want to do with my life. 

While many of my friends (and peers) have a clear view of what they want to do with their lives after college, I am still trying to discover myself. I am still trying to discover my strengths and weaknesses, honing new skills and trying out all sorts of different things. For the longest time, I’ve told myself,”I want to try everything first before I can finally say that “I belong here,” or “I feel at home.”“

However, recently, I noticed that this mentality of mine does not sit too well with some relatives, or other people that I encounter, such as prospective employers or people that I meet. Knowing that I’ll be graduating from college soon, talks of career plans and ambitions have slowly crept up in conversations. Aunts and uncles, cousins, and family friends usually ask me about my future in the following order:

“What’s your course?”

“What do you plan to do after college with your course?”

These kinds of conversations scare me, in a way that it translates to telling me to get my shit together as soon as possible, and come up with a clear life plan with directions from point A to point B. At the same time, I’m also pressured by the fact that my friends have their shit together, while here I am wading through life like a lost duck. Sometimes, I want to ask if this is the universe’s way of telling me that it’s NOT okay to go through life carpe diem and you SHOULD have a strict, definite life plan (which includes growing up).

Truth be told, I am confused. While it is important to discover yourself and grow into your own person at your own pace, it is also important to also more or less try to keep up with what your friends or peers are concerned about, because it keeps you in touch with reality.  I guess this is part of life—you try to reconcile the things that you love dearly, while trying to keep up with the times, because the world is changing too fast. I am in limbo, because I don’t know how to reconcile my desires with what the world expects me to be. I would rather channel my energy towards things that will make happy, instead of facing my issues head on, because it makes me sane in one way or another. I realized that it’s okay to be in limbo, even for a little bit, because it gives you more room to figure out the things that you want to do with your life, let alone eschew the things that hamper you from the things that will help you grow into your own person.

I guess I still have time to discover what I want to do with my life, and get my shit together in the process. If you feel like you’re in limbo, don’t lose hope. It takes time to figure out the things that will work for you, and don’t be afraid to embrace the things that come your way.

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