Last Stretch

Earlier this afternoon, my thesis adviser e-mailed me about our second semester syllabus for thesis class. The e-mail’s subject read: “SYLLABUS FOR 2ND SEMESTER. Our last stretch to GRADUATION!” His e-mail was probably the fifth sign (of many) that the upcoming semester will be my last (HOPEFULLY!!! —- and I’m really pushing for it to be the last) semester in college, and that I only five months to give everything that I’ve got.

My journey in college was a slow, uphill battle. My first four semesters (including summer class) in college were all about adjusting to college life and finding balance. My grades were really low, and that I prioritized fun over my academics. On the other hand, my friends and other peers were getting good grades (HEY, I USED TO GET GOOD GRADES TOO — in high school).  It also didn’t help that my benchmarks (at that time) were people who were barely passing their classes, and that I didn’t really engage in extracurricular activities to further hone my skills (and determine my strengths and weaknesses!). As a result, my self-esteem got hurt really badly. Fortunately, I was able to get out of that funk. I eventually got better grades in succeeding semesters, surrounded myself with motivated, hardworking, and disciplined people, and eventually set higher standards for myself. I also joined a few organizations to keep myself productive. My dad and my friends eventually took notice, and I slowly regained my confidence.

But sometimes, I would doubt about these changes I’ve made in my life. I would sometimes think that these changes were meant to prove other people wrong, and not to further improve myself. Yes, I was able to turn my life around in one way or another by getting decent grades and whatnot, but am I doing it because I want to prove other people wrong and keep up with their achievements? Or do I work hard for everything that I do, because I want to learn about a lot of things and eventually take these lessons to real life because I want to improve my life and give my life more meaning?  However, along the way, I learned that self-improvement does not only involve working hard for what you want, it’s also about learning and accepting your shortcomings, and being able to listen.

I’m so sorry if I’ve digressed from my actual point, but to be honest, I’ve spent the last few months overthinking a lot of things, particularly about my college life. Maybe there’s a voice in my head that’s telling me that I’ve wasted a good part of my college life, and that I have to compensate in one way or another, but I would like to brush it off and see that my journey throughout college was worthwhile. Anyway, my last semester in college will start in a couple of days, and I really plan to make it as worthwhile as possible. I’ll really try to give everything that I’ve got, because it really is the last stretch. There’s no more time to dwell on past mistakes, but there’s always time to move forward and grow. Ugh I’m not making sense anymore so I’ll just stop here.

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