I have a confession to make: I forgot how to chill. I used to be a pretty chill person, but as I got older, I started caring about many things— even things that should be of no importance to me anymore. For example, aside from caring about the things that are important (work, family, friends, personal well-being) to me, I still give a fuck about the unpleasant things that happened to me in the past, or I still pay attention to my insecurities. I guess one of the reasons why I forgot how to chill is because I want to compensate for my past failures and making sure that I don’t mess things up. A part of me is screaming that failure will cut me off from other opportunities. As a result, my lack of chill has made me more agitated, unfocused, and stressed than ever before. I care about practically everything in the world, and I want to give my all in everything that I care about, but as a result, I’ve become more scattered, to the point that I cannot bring myself to give my all in things that actually matter.
I’ve been reminded over and over again by the people who care for me to focus and figure out my priorities, but it’s much easier said than done. I guess I could conclude that my lack of prioritizing contributes to my lack of chill, because I want to go about everything that comes my way and give my all. But then that’s not the correct way to go about things, because it will just leave you in shambles.
Now that I’ve unloaded my thoughts on this, I guess it’s about time that I take action and create small changes in my life so I can be more chill— and focused.