As you guessed in the title, I am doing a stream-of-consciousness type of entry today. Although I used to do this with my “Life In Bullet Points” entries, I figured out that it would be more organic to do this in paragraph form. Read on if you must:
First, I recently had a chat with my aunt from my mother’s side of the family. Although I am usually the type to stay away from my relatives (from both sides of my family), there are some people in my family that I genuinely love and appreciate, and she is one of them.
During that chat, I shared to her the things that have happened to me over the past five months, from the time I quit my job to the time I started building my writing career. When I told her this, I was expecting to get a reaction similar to my father’s, or someone from my father’s side of the family, but she told me that she admired my courage for being brave enough to pursue what I really want, which is writing. Her words made me feel motivated to continue to pursue writing. She also told me to be kinder to myself, because she sensed that I was being too hard and forceful on myself to keep up with the expectations of others. For the longest time, I’ve been pushing myself too hard to yearn for what is normal, but deep inside, I know that my interests and passions are not what is usually accepted, and I have to fight for what I want day in and day out to people who are not understanding of it. Because of this, I am grateful for people like her, and people like my friends who are supportive of me, especially with this change in my life’s course.
Speaking of writing, I recently hit some form of a wall when it comes to my own development as a writer. I’ve been trying to juggle two writing gigs, and it has been difficult for me to pace myself when it comes to dealing with writing assignments. Moreover, I guess it’s because I also haven’t found the time to write for myself. I miss writing about the things that matter to me. I guess I need to practice how to carve out time for everything that I need (and want) to do, whether it’s managing my writing assignments, cooking meals, exercising, or writing for myself. I just feel like I need to write for myself more often to balance out the writing that I am doing for work.
Moving on to the topic of exercise and general self-care, I have recently developed a knack for exercising and eating healthier food. I made a personal commitment to eat more vegetables, exercise more frequently, and wean myself off of certain indulgences such as coffee, chips, and bacon. I know it’s a crazy move, but I guess it’s one of those changes that I want to make so I can take care of myself better. I have also been exercising four times a week, which is gradually helping me recognize that I can grow and improve as a person. I’m being cliche about it, but going through Hip-Hop Abs almost every day has been helping me to get out of my bed and do things.
My key takeaway from all of this is that life is not a competition, and that it takes a lot of acceptance (and work) to accept your inner wiring and personal pace. I am still in the process of fully accepting that, but I have faith that I will get there.