Life Update #10001

(Will be quite rambly, since this is a another stream-of-consciousness post)

It’s been a while since I updated here. The last thing I posted was my review on some of the Glossier products that I bought earlier in the month. Since then, I haven’t really posted anything. I have been doing a lot of real-life things, such as applying for jobs (and other opportunities), improving my carbonara recipe, and getting some writing done, which is actually pretty good.

However, on the flip side, I’ve been dealing with a lot of negative thoughts and feelings. Actually, I’ve been dealing with these thoughts and feelings since the start of the year, but it’s only been recently where I have actively confronted them head-on. This big balloon of negativity has weighed me down for so long, and has created some perceptions that continue to destroy my self-confidence and belief in myself, as well as my relationships with other people. Much more so, having these negative thoughts and feelings have steered me to a direction where I have contemplated on decisions that will put my life in potential danger. It was only during a recent near-death experience where I realized how important life is, and that life is unpredictable. That experience taught me how to take care of myself, even if times are hard.

Speaking of self-care,  I have to learn how to manage my time and resources better. At the same time, I also need some structure in my life, like setting up a daily schedule for attending to writing assignments, as well as other tasks and commitments. I’ll also set up a bullet journal too, to help me with this journey to healing. It’s going to take some practice, but I will get there. Spiritually, I also have to learn how to forgive myself in terms of dealing with fuck-ups from the past. I have to come to terms with them, and not reject it like some toy with factory defects. Mistakes, failures, and rejections are part of life, and over time, I am slowly opening up to seeing them as lessons or opportunities for growth.

To anyone who’s reading this, I will get better. I will get through this, no matter how difficult.

 

 

 

Glossy-Yay or Nay? A Glossier Mini-Haul and First Impressions

I’ve known about Glossier since 2014, but I think I only became a Glossier fangirl this year. The release of the brand’s Phase 2 set was the catalyst for it, when Glossier included makeup staples such as concealer and lipstick (I didn’t care about their skincare at that time). I dug deeper into the brand, by looking at their online campaigns and watching reviews on YouTube. Almost everything about Glossier’s ad campaigns just screamed “authentic, inclusive, and simple” which is a breath of fresh air from the traditional beauty campaigns that I see in print and online. Just check out this roundup of GRWMs below!

Recently, I decided to treat myself with some Glossier products. Although I originally wanted to try out their skincare (Milky Jelly Cleanser and Priming Moisturizer, anyone?), I decided to opt out of it because I didn’t want to disrupt my current skincare routine. I am at this point where my skin looks and feels really good, and having new products in my arsenal can be either a hit or miss.

Instead, I decided to buy the Balm Dotcom and the Generation G. The balm dotcom is described as a “universal skin salve,” which can be used for dry lips, cuticles, and minor cuts, while Generation G is advertised as a “sheer matte lipstick.” I got the balm dotcom in Coconut (thanks Mel of @glossiermnl!), while the shade I got in Generation G was Crush (which I got from MUP Store), which is a bright pink-berry shade that I would normally avoid.

Now, on to my thoughts about the products! The Coconut balm dotcom immediately became a favorite of mine. At first, people may think that the balm dotcom is a glorified version of petroleum jelly or Vaseline. I guess it’s because of the price (it retails around 12 USD, but I got mine for Php 750), but I’ve looked past that because it works really well and it feels really good. I have dry and dehydrated lips, and the balm dotcom was able to moisturize it. Not to mention, the coconut scent is clean and pleasant, which is a far cry from the coconut scents that I am used to. At 0.5fl oz, you only need the smallest amount to moisturize and hydrate the areas that need some extra TLC. And oh, the flavored balm dotcom’s packaging is beautiful.

On the other hand, I am a bit conflicted towards Generation G. The lipstick definitely lived up to its claim of being a sheer matte lipstick. It’s buildable and dries down to a matte stain, and it glides on like a balm when applied. It lasts long too. Color-wise, I really like the just-bitten pink berry stain that Crush leaves on the lips.  However, I do think that the amount of product you’re getting and the product’s packaging does not reflect its steep price. At 0.04 oz/1.13 g, you’re only getting a small amount of product, and its plastic packaging feels a bit fragile. Also, Generation G just comes in four shades, and I think that expanding the color range a bit would be a big help for many skin tones. If you are looking for alternatives to Generation G, just get Revlon’s matte/balm stains or use a lip stain and put a balm over top.

To wrap this up, I think that the products that I got from Glossier are very good. The balm dotcom definitely lived up to its hype. Generation G, on the other hand is also very good, but I just wished that it was developed better, in terms of pricing, product distribution, color selection, and packaging. I would recommend Glossier if you are a fan of low-maintenance makeup. If you are a big skincare fan, I think you should look into Glossier’s skincare range because I’ve heard good stuff about it. In fact, I am considering getting the Back to Reality trio soon, which includes the mint balm dotcom and the Mega Greens Galaxy Pack. Another thing to note though, if you are buying Glossier here in the Philippines is to find a reseller that gives you really good prices.

 

 

 

Not Now

Hello, crippling self-doubt.

We meet again. Why do we always bump into each other often? Last week, I was at a high because I went to the Philippine Readers and Writers Festival, inspired and motivated to write better. Then here you are again, telling me that I can’t write, or that my writing is comparable to a grade school student.

Is it because my writing is still not there yet? Or am I just too scared to go for it? Write, submit, share your soul to the world—it’s easier said than done. I have skeletons in my closet that I am still afraid to show, and I am afraid that I will be subject to the scrutiny of others. Years of bullying have made me quite self-conscious about myself, and the work that I have put out. It’s as if I’ve let this experience consume me, to the extent that I have to be ashamed of my entire being and mold myself into someone that’s more desirable for others.

I guess it’s the same thing with my writing. I just want to be able to express myself and just write whatever my heart desires, but there are people out there who will mock me and tell me that I can’t do it. On the flip side, there are others who will say otherwise. There are others who will believe in my writing and motivate me to go for it. There are people who will tell you, “You need to straighten your hair for boys to like you,” and there are people who will tell you that they love you for who you are, flaws and all. It runs parallel with one another.

Because of you, crippling self-doubt, I am more motivated to shake off the weight of the past. My bullies from grade school until now do not matter to my growth anymore. I am more motivated to get back into writing more than ever, and you do not need to bother me every single day to remind me that I can’t do things, especially things that I am dedicated to. I will keep on writing, and I have to remind myself that I am strong, beautiful, and capable.